zianuray: (Default)
[Poll #1743846]So I file off the serial numbers and change a few names...should still be able to rack up the contributions with a good marketing agent!
 
And yes, I realize this will likely offend some folks -- that's what the "leave a comment" button is for.  
zianuray: (Default)
So we are in Columbia having the consultation for her proposed orchiectomy, and it gets to the "Any questions?" part.  I've asked about FMLA and recovery time and how long she might be in hospital, and then the one I've been waiting to ask:

"Can I have her balls once they're out?  I want to get them bronzed and mounted on a plaque."

Now I know what "thunderstruck" looks like.  He drops his face into his hands -- both, so a "double facepalm" (do I get extra points for that?) -- and takes a few minutes to recover.  When he does, the answer (which I pretty much expected) was "No.  Just...(really long pause)...no.  Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm still a guy, and just...(another really long pause)...no."

By this point, Em and  I are giggling our collective tails off, and the RN has this look of "WTF" with the saucer-sized eyes and is dead-silent..

And yes, I was serious.
zianuray: (Default)
One of those bonding things at work recently was "the first 5 songs from this person's playlist" with a lot of higher-ups in the company of whom I'd never before heard.  (Did I say that anywhere near right?  No?  Deal.)  I'm in the car heading home, my iPod is on shuffle, and the 4th song was "Supersadomasochisticnecrobeastiality." Yep.  Pretty sure they don't wanna play that game with me -- and before anyone *coughJeffcough* else says it, I mean EITHER game. (Yay for  the Bedlam Bards!)

(x-posted from FB, where I starred out a lot of the song title due to not being sure who-all can see it.  If you're looking *here,* you've declared you're of age.)
zianuray: (BPAL Pile)
Comment with a limerick, a pun, or a haiku.  Nothing serious, please!

Original (or just that I haven't heard) is an extra entry.

Winner will be random draw.

Draw will be on Sunday Monday Punday evening.

"Prize" will be a half-dozen imps/vials/decants/soap samples/etc. from equally random e-tailers.  (Most vials will have been sampled from.)

(reference)

[profile] there_she_goes  is the winner!

zianuray: (PuppyRub)
Massage is like chocolate, only better.

1)  Both feel good.

2)  Both are good for you (dark chocolate especially!).

3)  Massage has no calories!
zianuray: (Default)
from [livejournal.com profile] terri_osborne :


fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures


Can anyone tell if this was photoshopped?
zianuray: (Default)
I hang out on a couple of genderbent sites, much as I used to hang out at the LGBT & Drag bars in a previous city, when I could stand the smoke because I had friends there.

Some folks there refer to themselves as TransGendered or TG.

Other folks, and yes, there's an overlap, refer to next Thursday as "TG"  for ThanksGiving.

So, next Thursday is ... yup!  A VERY special holiday!

For some reason, this got a chuckle when I pointed it out on one of the boards :D

So...next Thursday, show up cross-dressed to share the dressed turkey!    After all, it's TG!
zianuray: (Default)
DH's GP is named "Damek."  I keep calling him "Dr. Dalek" -- I swear, it's not on purpose!  And DH refers to him as "You know, the Cardassian."
zianuray: (celticknotsoap)
~Moose, Moose, I like a Moose...~

I think it's probably a joke, but these days who knows!

And the musical version --track #8 (then go buy it!  I love these folks dearly!)
zianuray: (Default)

Ganked from several places:


Important Medical Alert!

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly
contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand,
and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational
Killer(WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or
anyone else via any means whatsoever -

DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If
you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the
premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both
of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE ) and Bothersome
Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until
WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do
not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is
controlling your life.


Thank you for your assistance.

****************************************************************************************

Junkfood Science has a rather interesting series on obesity -- maybe it ain't as bad as the TV tells us!  Which I've been saying for some to me....but eeh, who listens to me?

Waiting on one thing before I can send my BPAL-anon swap package :D

We are babydogsitting a scotty for one of DH's coworkers -- Baxter is pretty much a good boy, goes to the door, doesn't fight the leash (since we are NOT his people, he is required to wear it.  No lost dogs!), doesn't jump on me, and allows ear-scratching.

****************************************************************************************

Dialect Meme

Questions
1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks.


*************************************************************************
zianuray: (Default)
First bit ganked entirely from [profile] greeneyedtengu:

09:57 am - Firefly Fandom Wank Response

Previous Entry Add to Memories Tell a Friend Track This Flag Next Entry

An interesting-- and intensely hilarious-- response to [profile] _allecto_'s claim that JOss Whedon is an anti-feminist rapist comes from [profile] aic_weirdo in Miandry in Popular Culture, Part I.

I'm staying out of the wankage this time. But this is too funny to not pass on.

Thank you [personal profile] spankerella, from whom I ganked the anti-wank.

*******************
The only bits I feel qualified to comment on -- not having seen the series and all -- are these:

(from [profile] _allecto_'s post)

"The first scene opens in a war with Mal and Zoe. Zoe runs around calling Mal ‘sir’ and taking orders off him. I roll my eyes. Not a good start."

"The basic plot of the series is Malcolm Reynolds and his second in command Zoe <snip>"

"Zoe...(h)er role is to support Mal’s manly obsession with himself by encouraging him,
calling him ‘sir’ (emphasis mine),and even starting the fights for him."


My notes:

Uhm.   OK, I do NOT know who is the ranking person in the first quote, but from context in the post let's say it's Mal.
And in the SECOND quote, it's pretty darn clear.

Point?  If you're the brass, you give the orders.  If you're NOT the brass, you FOLLOW those orders, especially in the middle of a war.  As a general rule, you call the captain of a ship (or any officer, including any NCO if you're a Marine) "Sir."  Or Ma'am, if they're female (and not a Marine).

Heck, I call my classmates (and instructor, and HUSBAND for gossakes) Sir or Ma'am as appropriate just from force of habit -- it doesn't mean I'm gonna crawl over and lick their boots!

Someone ([profile] _allecto_,  perhaps?) needs a bit of a reality check, IMO.


"Aside from women being fuck toys, property and punching bags for the men, the women have very little importance in the series. I counted the amount of times women talk in the episode Serenity compared to the amount of times men talk. The result was unsurprising. Men: 458 Women: 175. So throughout the first episode men talk more than two and a half times as much as women do. And women talk mainly in questions whereas men talk in statements. Basically, this means that men direct the action and are active participants whereas women are merely observers and facilitators."

Mal, Wash, Jayne, Shepherd, Simon
Inara, Kaylee,  Zoe,  River

OK, maybe this is an accurate count.  I have the possibly mistaken impression from somewhere that River doesn't talk much, if at all, for at least the first couple of episodes, so maybe we should count her out for this.   And -- who is onscreen more?   Questions can be used to direct action or make people think -- if you're captain of a ship, are you going to be more receptive to "Have we tried this yet?"  or to "That's a dumb idea."? 

Also, is the poster counting each time one starts to talk, or is word count taken into consideration?  Is a 4-page monologue one utterance?  Would this entire post be opening my yap ONE time, or once per sentence, or per subject...?  Not enough information here.
zianuray: (Default)
WANTED; Treadmill, Computer, Womens jeans size 12-14, and a Peter

I about fell over.
zianuray: (Default)
Lou Costello Buys A Computer

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's famous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes..
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do
I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . .

ABBOTT: Hello, Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".......
zianuray: (Default)
Top Ten SCA Horror Movies

10. Knight of the Living Dead

9. The Pit and the Pelican

8. The Silence of the Doumbeks

7. Army of Dorkness: Evil Heralds 3

6. It Came From Milpitas

5. Attack of the Fifty-Foot Filker

4. Invasion of the Authenticity Nazis

3. The Ansteorra Chainsaw Massacre

2. I Know What You Did Last Pennsic

1. Abbot and Costello Meet Michael of Bedford

from the new issue of _The Quarter_, the Trimaris humor magazine
http://www.thequarter.org/issue21/index.php
zianuray: (Default)
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball
into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a
frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this
trap, I will grant
you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog.

The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention
that there was a
condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for,
your husband
will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said,
"That would be
okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also
make your husband the most handsome man in the world,
an Adonis,
that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That
will be okay
because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will
only have eyes
for me."

So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the
world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest
woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the
richest man in the
world and he will be ten times richer than you." The
woman said,
"That will be okay because what's mine is mine and
what's his is
mine."

So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she
answered, "Ok,
now I'd like a mild heart attack...." The frog
looked
dumbfounded.....

Moral of the story: Women are clever bitches. Don't
mess with them.

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