zianuray: (BPAL Pile)
zianuray ([personal profile] zianuray) wrote2009-07-10 08:35 am
Entry tags:

Freebie -- closed!

Comment with a limerick, a pun, or a haiku.  Nothing serious, please!

Original (or just that I haven't heard) is an extra entry.

Winner will be random draw.

Draw will be on Sunday Monday Punday evening.

"Prize" will be a half-dozen imps/vials/decants/soap samples/etc. from equally random e-tailers.  (Most vials will have been sampled from.)

(reference)

[profile] there_she_goes  is the winner!

[identity profile] voyeurwithwings.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 01:51 pm (UTC)(link)
... Two blondes walk up to a perfume counter. The first one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist, smells it, and says, "That's nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
Tracy says, "Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"
Sharon says, "Viens a moi."
Tracy says, "Viens a moi? What's that mean?"
The store clerk says, "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'Come to me.'"
Sharon takes another sniff and says,

"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to you?"

[identity profile] tamago23.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 01:58 pm (UTC)(link)
*chokes, LOLs* That is awesome.

[identity profile] shinywen.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)
A pun? You want a PUN? Get thee to a punnery, woman!

[identity profile] pisica.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 02:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Death.
Death wh

[identity profile] pisica.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 02:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, I guess that isn't a pun. *goes to rethink*

[identity profile] zianuray.livejournal.com 2009-07-13 02:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Love it, and so did the Gravedigger's Daughter.

Redneck haiku

[identity profile] dianthus-pink.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 02:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Tonight we hunger.
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggart.

[identity profile] wikkidraven.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 02:14 pm (UTC)(link)
have you received my packet yet

[identity profile] zianuray.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 02:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Not yet -- but these things seem to take time :) (Blinkin' post orifice....)

Yay!

[identity profile] zianuray.livejournal.com 2009-07-13 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Midnight Cowboy Prototype!

[identity profile] kittenmorag.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
A whole pack?

That's a bit imp-etuous of you, isn't it?

(geddit?_

=^..^=

[identity profile] zianuray.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 03:47 pm (UTC)(link)
*mmp!*

[identity profile] hecatemacbeth.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 03:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Three guys go to a beach for some tossin' of the ol' pigskin. One guy is huge, so he nominates himself as the quarterback, while the other two go deep out into the dunes to catch.

Suddenly, one guy trips while walking backwards. He gets up, looks back, and sees that he tripped over a woman with no arms and no legs. "I'm sorry, ma'am! Is there anything I can do to help you?" he asks. She says "well, I've never been kissed before", and he obliges, centers himself and goes back to play.

He meets up with the other guy and tells him of the woman that lies where he tripped. Guy #2 decides to investigate, and sure enough, finds the woman lying on the ground, with no arms and no legs. She looks up and tells him "I've never been touched before." He thinks about it, looks around, and starts fondling her chest, gives her a kiss and gets up to go back to the game.

Now, the quarterback at this point is pissed, because the two guys have been goofing off and neither on the field at the same time. He ventures over to where the two guys are, and asks them what they've been doing. The two guys explain about the woman lying on the ground and how one was asked for a kiss while the second got asked a little bit more.

He thinks for a minute, and storms over to the woman lying on the ground. "You've interrupted our game twice already, what else do you want, so that we can get back to our game?" She looks up and smiles, saying "I've never been fucked before." He smiles back and picks her up, slowly carrying her towards the ocean.

He asks her, "Are you ready for me to fuck you?" and she nods her head excitedly....He lifts her over his head and tosses her a fwe yards out into the ocean and then calls to her...."You're FUCKED now, ain't ya?"



[identity profile] voyeurwithwings.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 04:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Ok, that is so sick and twisted.

(no wonder I liked it...hehe)

[identity profile] hecatemacbeth.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
::smirk::

Well, not everyone who likes BPAL are the norm's, yanno? :)

Glad you liked it. :)

[identity profile] there-she-went.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 04:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Black Phoenix Alchemy
Labs that make you smell superb
or really awful.

[identity profile] autumns-lioness.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 04:39 pm (UTC)(link)
What kind of Vegetables are married?
-Brussel-spouses

If two robots fell in love it would be a relation-ship.

(blame my husband for these horrid jokes ;)

musician jokes

[identity profile] kenjari.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 05:15 pm (UTC)(link)
What's the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
The seamstress tucks up the frills.

Two people were walking down the street. One was a musician, the other didn't have any money either.

Why do violists spend a lot of time hanging around outside of people's houses?
They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

Re: musician jokes

[identity profile] zianuray.livejournal.com 2009-07-13 03:02 pm (UTC)(link)
*sincker* Forwarded these to a fiddling friend!

[identity profile] zianuray.livejournal.com 2009-07-13 03:01 pm (UTC)(link)
OK, for some reason I don't get the second one. You're in the drawing, though!

[identity profile] autumns-lioness.livejournal.com 2009-07-13 03:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not sure either. Something about robots and ships... *shakes head* he's a weird one...

[identity profile] brujah.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 05:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah.. my limericks aren't precisely work safe. But umm.

There once was a man named Dave
Who found a dead whore in a cave
She was missing a tit
and smelt like shit
But just think of the money he saved!

I'll stop. This is why we can't have nice things I never win prizes. ;)

[identity profile] muppetk.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 05:18 pm (UTC)(link)
:) Background, I'm an acupuncturist.

My dad's favorite acupuncture joke to me...

"Hey Karoline, when you stick someone with a pin, does a little doll scream?"

*eyerolls* Thanks dad.

[identity profile] dianthus-pink.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
*laugh* Yer dad rocks! I need to remember this so I can ask my gp (who also does acupuncture) next time I visit her.

[identity profile] muppetk.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 05:38 pm (UTC)(link)
:) My patients alternate between agreeing with you & hiding their heads in their hands. :) It amuses me at least. Glad you like!

[identity profile] muppetk.livejournal.com 2009-07-13 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
*grin*

[identity profile] sylvanus-urban.livejournal.com 2009-07-10 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
A Youtube Haiku (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfZhfgKUHpk)

Turtle strains, trying
So hard to achieve union
With a simple shoe
(deleted comment)

Re: Hope it's good enough!

[identity profile] zianuray.livejournal.com 2009-07-13 02:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Ooooh, cute caterpillar!

[identity profile] fornikate.livejournal.com 2009-07-11 04:23 am (UTC)(link)
What's red and orange and looks good on hippies?



Fire.

[identity profile] strawberry-star.livejournal.com 2009-07-11 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
Okay I'm making one up, because my dad tells something quite similar. Backstory: my dad is a retired garbage man and his name is Earl.

Earl the garbage man,
Lives in a garbage can.
His jokes are corny and he's always horny,
Earl the garbage man.

:D hahah I sadly take after my dad.

[identity profile] greeneyedtengu.livejournal.com 2009-07-12 01:42 am (UTC)(link)
Can I get credit for the one I shared at KFC?

[identity profile] zianuray.livejournal.com 2009-07-13 02:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Sure, but you have to post it here for everyone else!

[identity profile] cookie-faerie.livejournal.com 2009-07-12 12:09 pm (UTC)(link)
dollar bills in the
wind fluttering for a whiff
of that sweet oil

The worst pun in the entire universe....

[identity profile] corivax.livejournal.com 2009-07-14 02:30 am (UTC)(link)
What's brown and sticky?

A STICK!!!!!!!!!!
Edited 2009-07-14 02:33 (UTC)

[identity profile] there-she-went.livejournal.com 2009-07-15 08:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh awesome!